All the light we can see

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5

I love the light.

I love how it transforms things all around us.

How flowers bloom in the sunlight, brightening the grey streets and bare trees, reminding me that Spring is truly on the way.

How sunlight, even through closed windows, makes me feel warm in a way quite unlike anything else.

How it transforms everything it touches.

How it makes me feel like I just want to hit the beach (even when it’s March and I’m in a land-locked country.)

How fireworks turn darkness into a canvas for awe and wonder.

How light enables us to capture images of beauty, wherever we are, whether it’s people we love, things that make us laugh, or incredible natural wonders.

How the sunrise represents a brand new start, a new hope, a new opportunity to experience God’s goodness.

I was reminded of this viscerally while celebrating Christ’s resurrection at dawn this Easter Sunday. As the sun rose over Letná Park, the rays broke through the trees (and eventually the fog) to flood the city with myriad shades of light. Even though we were all shivering, the sheer wonder of the vistas opening before us were cause for great joy. Just as Jesus is victorious over darkness and death, darkness we are constantly reminded of in these times of fear, the dawn is victorious over the darkness every single morning.

Even if the view isn’t as spectacular as it was in the park, the dawn is inevitable.

Even when we lie awake full of anxiety and fear, the dawn is inevitable.

Even if the darkness feels so deep and so long, like a winter night, the dawn is inevitable.

Christ has risen. The darkness is defeated. The light I can see reminds me of this. It reminds me to love boldly and fiercely, it reminds me to laugh, it reminds me to cry with those in pain. It gives me hope. The dawn is coming and the darkness cannot overcome it.

The dawn is all the more amazing after the dark and cold nights of winter, just as the great dawn to come should seem sweeter in these dark times of fear and hurt. May I remember that when the sunlight isn’t shining. May we all.

As Spring truly takes hold and the days are more filled with beauty and wonder, as the trees blossom and the beach calls, I pray that I remember the wonder of dawn on that cold morning. How the darkness was defeated, how it gave me hope.

Post Wanderlust Blues

Which destinations are on your list at the moment? Where next? What are your plans for the next holiday? Have you been to x place? Have you been to y? Where should I go next?

These are questions I ask and answer a lot. Holiday plans seem to take up a lot of space in my mind, not to mention my internet history. I have spent a lot of time searching for cheap flights to this place or that in the past year. I even now have frequent flyer miles accounts. How grown up.

One of the things I’ve always enjoyed is travelling. It’s not like I’m travelling for the first time or anything. It’s just noticeable how much of my time and energy is spent thinking about getting away, seeing this or that amazing place, getting an amazing deal on a flight, or just ticking places off my list. Basically being somewhere else.

The opportunity to travel so much in the last year has been a complete privilege and I am so fortunate to live in a place with many possibilities, but I’ve been thinking a lot recently about my desire to invest more in being here, now, and investing more in the community and place I’ve been put. This is one of my prayers for this year.

Wanderlust is something I’ve experienced over the past few years and I’m not convinced it’s a bad thing. It’s a wonderful refresher to move somewhere new, to see God’s goodness from a new perspective and in a new community, but I’m not sure it’s always good either. I don’t think it’s healthy to spend all my time and money seeking to be in as many places as possible. There are more important things.

I pray that travel takes the right place in my life and in my thinking; as something I love, which I do regularly, but which doesn’t stop me investing in community here, nor lead me to seek meaning and identity in a list of countries visited or places seen.

Reflections in Murky Water

I was looking forward to time away over the summer for many reasons; the reliable sunshine, the travelling, the chance to see friends and family, the barbecues, and not least, the chance to reflect on life here in Prague. It’s a teacher perk, the long summer, providing the perfect opportunity to get some distance from the day-to-day and to consider the past and the future. I was so fortunate to have a full six weeks away, travelling around in the USA, Israel and the UK, and I was eager to seek God’s will for my future in that time.

I often find it really hard to spend time with God on holiday, when routine is interrupted and breakfasts move closer to the afternoon than in term time, and this was certainly the case this summer. As has been the case for the past year, I have found my relationship with God far too one sided; God being good to me and I only belatedly realising just what he has given me and done in and around me, if I notice at all. My half-hearted attempts at connecting with God amounted to reading the Bible in a hap-hazard manner and attending church wherever I ended up. Yet as I look back I am yet again amazed how God has been gently changing my thoughts, actions and viewpoint over the summer.

On my travels I was lucky enough to visit San Francisco, somewhere I had long wanted to visit, perhaps due to my love for the rather naff Bond movie A View to a Kill, featuring, among other things, a blimp battle atop the Golden Gate Bridge. I was struck while there just how far I was away from ‘home.’ By the time I made it there I hadn’t been back to the UK in over eight months, not that long in the grand scheme, but still the longest I’d actually been out of the country. My homesickness wasn’t painful, more wistful and bittersweet perhaps. When I arrived back in the UK for a visit a few weeks ago, I was again surprised at my depth of feeling for the land of my birth, and by just how nice it felt to be home (it may have helped that I went straight from the airport to a National Trust property, proceeded to have a walk in the rain, followed by a cup of tea and a slice of cake. Some stereotypes are true.)

This came as a surprise mostly because this last year has been a whirlwind of new and wonderful experiences, as I have settled into Prague and my new job. My thoughts went along the lines of ‘This is so great, why would I ever go home?!’ Yet it’s clear that home has a strong pull on me and the week or so I spent in the UK was perhaps the sweetest of my summer. God exposed my heart and I was surprised at the attractiveness of moving home and being in this place where everything is just more familiar and where I fit just a little bit more nicely.

I don’t know if I will stay or go, both hold real attractions and benefits. God has been so good in blessing me with opportunities both here in Prague and at home, and he was so faithful in helping me to reflect over the summer, pretty much despite my feeble efforts. I think I have a tendency to look inside myself when I seek to reflect. What do I want? What thing would be best for me? I have been challenged to look to God, in his word and in his person, as I seek to understand myself and my place in the world (both literally and figuratively.)

After the summer I feel less sure than ever about where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to do. But maybe that’s a good thing. My prayer is that in the uncertainty and indecision I would seek God and allow his will to lead my actions, and that through the process, my love for and trust in him would grow as well.

 

The Wood Between Worlds

“He was standing by the edge of a small pool – not more than ten feet from side to side – in a wood. The trees  grew close together and were so leafy that he could get no glimpse of the sky.  All the light was green that came through the leaves: but there must have been a very strong sun overhead, for this green daylight was bright and warm. It was the quietest wood you could possibly imagine.”

In a rush of warmth and familiarity it came back to me, the same words and sentences I had read as child evoking the most calm and contented feeling. Where was I, who was I, when I last turned these pages? One of my favourite things about books is how they can serve as miniature, paper-filled, time machines, reminding us of things that have changed, as well as things that never will.

Reading the chapter in C. S. Lewis’ ‘The Magician’s Nephew’ where Digory (the eponymous nephew) travels for the first time out of our world into the ‘wood between worlds’ served to take me back to several times I’ve read this book. The idea of a calm, silent wood serving as an in-between place in the spaces between myriad worlds fascinated me. When I’m stressed, I often long, as I’m sure many do, to escape to such a place, lying down on the grass and falling asleep beneath green-leaved trees. Of course, it’s a very English vision of a peaceful getaway, but I’m very English so it appeals!

Since moving to Prague maybe I can understand the idea of a place between places better than before. My normal has changed, multiplied, since moving. Going home feels very normal, as does coming back to my new normal of work and friendships in Prague. I didn’t expect that. I thought going ‘home’ would be a relief, a welcome return, a restful experience. At times it was all of those things, but it was also, surprisingly and reassuringly, normal. I guess I have lived in England for twenty five years of my life; things are bound to have remained relatively unchanged in the course of four months.

Yet it wasn’t normal as it had been before because work, church, house and ‘stuff’ were here in the Czech Republic. It’s amazing how quickly I have started to feel comfortable here. I guess getting the bus to work each day, interacting with the same people, even dealing with the same dodgy customer-service, has made a routine like any other.

Between these two new normals I think I would like a wood. Somewhere to cosy up in and retreat to. The allure of an idealised countryside has a strong pull on me, as it seems to on the English consciousness as a whole. Rolling hills, a moss-covered forest floor, a National Trust tea shop… I think this desire to escape is also a symptom, for me at least, of busy working life and a desire to do lots and fill my time to the brim. If only I could simply slip on a magic ring (as Digory does) and flee the burdens of this busy life.

Yet C. S. Lewis makes this wood more than just a beautiful place, it is somewhere where you quickly lose all ties to the world you have left.

“The strangest thing was that, almost before he had looked about him, Digory had half-forgotten how he had got there. At any rate, he was certainly not thinking about Polly, or Uncle Andrew, or even his Mother. He was not in the least frightened, or excited, or curious. If anyone had asked him ‘Where did you come from?’ he would probably have said, ‘I’ve always been here.’ That was what it felt like – as if one had always been in that place and never been bored even though nothing had ever happened.”

Sometimes I long for this too, or so it seems. To just be free of fear, excitement, curiosity, burden, events even, would be so much easier. Just give me a nice book, cup of tea and wood between worlds. But what would there be to escape, to enjoy, to achieve there. I’m tempted much of the time to just jack it all in and run to my bed, comfy and warm and free from danger. Yet I know that I have been put here for a reason, for God to work his purposes in, for his glory and my good. The place between normals isn’t as good as the normal, the run-of-the-mill, the stressful and busy.

Give me normal, as long as I know the wood is there. It’s in the pages of the book I’m reading, the simple pleasure of sleep, a nice cup of tea, Netflix. It’s in snatched ten minutes and lazy Saturdays. It’s ultimately and completely in heaven, though the metaphor is decidedly flawed when stretched to that extent. May my desire for escape and rest not lead to me fleeing normal, but to my enjoyment of that peaceful wood when I glimpse it.

Autumn AKA Fall

I’d never given much thought to which season was my favourite. They all have their charms and irritations. I find myself newly entranced, however, by the delights of Autumn. Walking through the park and wading through a mountain of leaves, seeing them fall like golden snow from their branches, beautifully reflected in the water. Being able to wear shorts and sunglasses while opportunistically collecting conkers and snuggling into a blanket while eating outside a restaurant. Delightful.

Perhaps my eyes have been opened by a recent visit I made to the ‘Pumpkin patch’ with some new American friends. Picture the scene – more pumpkins, in more types, shapes, colours and sizes, than I had previously thought possible (though I’m told the event was small by American standards), arranged in a charming farmyard, complete with pumpkin soup, cake and a corn maze. There were even pony rides. What’s not to love? Needless to say, my class are carving pumpkins at school this week.

So thanks Autumn, you’ve opened my eyes. Please don’t leave too soon.

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Jak se máš?

First a confession. I’m being very informal in this post. I hope that is OK with you. Having just had my second Czech lesson I’m feeling very proud of the fact that I know the informal form of ‘How are you?’ In case you’re interested, my answer would be ‘dobře’ or ‘well.’ Sadly that is about the extent of my current Czech knowledge. My current homework is learning to roll my rs. In Czech, you actually need to ask if you can be informal in a conversation, so I’m being very rude assuming it here. Soz.

Apart from a limited but growing knowledge of Czech, recent life in Prague has actually seemed to make me more English. I guess when you’re dropped into another culture, and especially a North American dominated ex-pat culture, it just inevitably comes up regularly, that I am, well, very English. I probably didn’t help matters by buying a Union Jack bow tie. It’s all part of a rather fun cultural exchange. I’ve learned what ‘biscuits’ are to Americans and introduced them in turn to the delights of milk in tea and lemon and sugar on pancakes.

In short, it is a privilege to be part of a truly multi-cultural community and I look forward to learning lots more. At the same time, my poor class are occasionally confused by my dogged refusal to use American spellings. Oh well.

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Charles Bridge from the Vlatava River.

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Charles Bridge at night, with a little help from Instagram.

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The very exciting British section of my local Tesco.

 

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Yes, there’s even a chippy.

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Prague viewed from Letna Park.

Czech Please….

Do you ever feel like you want to check out of your life?

Now don’t get scared, I mean more in the checking out of a hotel sense. Sometimes, don’t you just wish for something more, something different? The hum drum just gets very, well, hum drummy. It’s all too easy to get a bit jaded with the things around us, even the people around us, even our friends and family.

I have been feeling like I wanted to take a step away from ‘normality’ ever since I seemed to experience a ‘mid-twenties crisis’ back in the fall (I know, how self-indulgent of me). I really felt a deep frustration with where I was, even as I was aware of the great people and opportunities God has given me where I am. I described my feeling to a friend as ‘I just want to go and run in a field’ (amusingly, I literally did that soon after with my accomplice), expressing a desire, I guess, to run away.

Strange how one minute I was feeling rather smug with my permanent job, supportive friends and church, considering buying a house even, then suddenly wanted to run and hide. I’m not sure if it was a case of frustration with the hum drum but I have come to enjoy a feeling that my future is in God’s hands completely – whether here or far away.

The long and short of the situation is that I have ended up ‘Czeching’ out rather literally and moving to Prague to work in an international school there. Well, I will be moving there come the summer. Have I given in to my self-indulgentness? I hope not. I trust that God was giving me a wake-up call and reminding me that the plans I make are subject to his will.

Do I still want to check out of my life? No. I hope and pray that God would keep adjusting my view on ‘my life’ and keep surprising me with the direction it could take. How glancing at an online ad became a 4 day trip to Prague (best interview ever). How that became a job offer. How I’m coming to terms with saying goodbyes.

It’s so easy to wish for something different and I hope this whole post isn’t too hypocritical. I am going somewhere different. But I’m not checking out. Not of my friendships, family, especially not of relying on God. I hope, pray, plead that this is right, God’s plan. I am optimistic.

I think I have come to see that it’s OK to explore new opportunities, that we should push doors. But that we shouldn’t leave the hotel. I don’t need a new life, new friends, new, new, new. I need to go forward with them and that’s what I pray I will do. And maybe there are things I do need to leave behind – materialism, jaded-ness with situations, frustrations. Maybe that’s a bonus.

And I think I will go and run in a field occasionally. They have them in Prague right?

Green field